Some More Changes

Since my last update, we've had a few more changes. My forever changing due date is now back to June 10th. Back where we started. I went in for an ultrasound due to come cramping and I was measuring further along. I was obviously nervous but as soon as I got to look at the screen I could see the little one bouncing away. It was really incredible to see. The ultrasound tech told me right away that we already have an active little one :o) She has asked if I had just had caffeine, and with guilt, I admitted I did. That's probably why the baby was bouncing around so much. Its amazing how the baby could be boucing around so much and I not even feel it at that time. I'm going to post my pic. I was meausring at 10w1d at that time.

You can see the head at the bottom, and the little nubby arms and legs. I was just so relieved to see a healthy heart beat! And I had made it farther along than last time. I felt a sigh of relief when I hit 9 weeks, even though that didn't mean I was out of the clear yet.

Last week, on the Dec. 6th I went in for my NT U/S. That is where they do genetic testing to see if the baby has increased risk of downs syndrome. They can also sometimes take a guess at what the sex may be. I didn't have my hopes up too high, but I was still hoping for a guess. I took my mom with my to this exam. She had never really sat in on an U/S before. She didn't have any with myself or my sisters. The baby was already so much bigger than he/she was a few weeks prior. The tech I had for this exam was not the nicest. She didn't really explain anything she was looking at, and didn't even atempt to make a guess at what I am having. She also tried to argue with me about how far along I am. She said the exam may not even work becaue I was not far enough long. But of course, the exam went well because I am measuring farther along and right on track. The good news is the risk of down's is less than 1 in 40,000. My mom was also really excited to get to see the little one on the screen. All in all, it was a succeful exam. I did schedule my anatomy scan for Jan 16th with the U/S tech that I love! Here is my baby at 13 weeks!

I'm now officially 14 weeks and 1 day. I'm now into my 2nd trimester. I feel soooo much better than I did before. Hardly anymore morning sickness. I still get a little queesey here and there, but nothing unbearable. I still get really fatigued, but it's not like I was a night owl before the pregnancy either way. I finally feel like I can relax a little and start to enjoy my pregnant. I catch myself dreaming of my baby all the time. I'm constantly thinking about what it will feel like to hold my baby, smell my baby, see how Jack is with our baby and imagine mine and Matt's relationship and what it will be like. I'm starting to show a tiny bit. My regular jeans are definately too snug now. But I looke chubby more than anything. I'm going to try and start updating weekly with a weekly update.

How far along? 14 weeks
Weight gain/loss:  Don't know for sure

Size of baby:  Lemon 

Maternity clothes? Pants for sure.

Stretch marks: I don't think any new ones. 
Sleep: Normal for the most part.
Best moment this week: Making it to 14 weeks.

Food cravings: Mexican
Gender: Girl in my mind :o)
Pregnancy Signs: Fatigue, hardening belly, emotional.
Belly Button in or out? In.

Movement: I think I've felt some flutters

What I miss: Excedrin. Girly shots.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling constitant movement. Anatomy scan. 

Weekly Wisdom: This might work out :o)

Milestones:  No all-day nausea in over a week

            

                                 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Too long since last update!

So there's been some changes since my last post. I went in for my first OB U/S and I thought at that time I was about 6 weeks pregnant. When Matt and I went in for the U/S all we saw was a gestational sac. At 6 weeks we should be able to see more. So of course I immediately think the worst because of past experience. We went to see the OB right after and he was not worried or concerned at all. He said I probably just ovulated later than I thought. He then ordered some labs and put me on progesterone supplements until my next U/S scheduled  a week later. My beta's came back great and doubling. So that was a great sign. But I was still really worried something was wrong.
That was one the longest weeks of my life. I was so nervous and anxious the entire time. Finally Oct 31st came and I got to go in for my U/S. The tech started the exam and immediately turned to screen so that I could see. What a relief!! They would not turn the screen to show you something bad. There was the babies little heartbeat flickering away! At that point I was measuring 6 weeks and 5 days. So I did ovulate about 5-6 days later than I had originally though. Unfortunately, Matt couldn't come with me, but it was still such a happy moment . Our new due date is June 20, 2012. 

Since about the day of my U/S I have had HORRIBLE morning sickness. And by morning sickness, I mean all day sickness and nausea. I would eat, then throw it up. Most of the time I didn't eat at all because I was so nauseated. I had already lost 5-6 lbs by about 7.5 weeks. I have to take daily blood pressure meds and I was not able to take them because I would gag it right up. Finally last Sunday, Nov. 6, mine and Matt's one year anniversary, I could not take the sickness anymore. I called up my OB and let him know what was going on. He told me what would be best for myself and the baby is to go to ER for some IV fluids and anti-nausea meds. So we did that. We were at St. Jude ER for about 6 hours. But it was well worth it. The meds worked miracles. They gave me an rx so that I can take it at home as needed. I still get a little queesey but nothing compared to before. I'm still super fatigued, but that's much more bearable when I don't feel like ralphing the whole time. All these symptoms are reassuring that my pregnant is going well. All my friends who have been pregnant before are great with advice and things they did to help their nausea. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.
So as I mentioned, Matt and  I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. We celebrated it the day before the real day. We went to a nice dinner at The Melting Pot. It was great. It felt nice to get dressed up and do something just the two of us. Dinner was delicious. I did throw it up as soon as we got home, but it was super enjoyable at the time! That's about all that's new for now.

Coming out.....

So I've decided to "come out" on my blog. On October 4th, Matt and I found out we're expecting a little one :o) I had a feeling I was pregnant and tested waaaay too early. That test came back negative, but I didn't let myself get down because I knew it was so early. A few days later I decided to test again. Now this was more frustrating than the negative test! I could not tell if I saw a line, or if it was an evaporation line. I guess this is common with tests with blue dye. So I again, didn't get too excited and decided to test again in the morning. OMG! Even more frustrating, this test did not work at all!! So I get myself up and ready for work and tell myself I'm going to spring for the pricier, reliable, pink dye tests. But I had to wait all through work before I could test.
Finally I got off work and got my tests. I rushed home and took the test ASAP. This time there was no doubt about it. There were two pink lines! BFP! I am pregnant! Needless to say I was ecstatic, over-joyed, emotional, nervous, anxious and just sooo happy. I'm not going to lie, I took three more tests after that. I could not wait to see the pink lines pop up. Matt is just excited, but being the realist he is, he's probably a little more nervous. As of right now, our EDD is June 13th. Perfect time of year for a baby.
We told my sister Lina, my Parents, Matt's dad, Angie, Brandon, Jamie and Jack. I'm pretty sure we'll leave it at that until my first doctors appt. But honestly, the more prayers and good thoughts this baby can get, the better. And if God forbid, something go wrong again, it will be nice to have the support from these people we are closest too. Everyone is really excited for us.
Matt and I have already started planning how we're going to do a nursery/jack's room. Jack is really sweet about having to share a room. I think he's excited. He loves joining in on our discussions about names. For a girl we all agree on Lilianna, or Lily. We are still unsure about a boy. I like Sawyer. Matt likes Huck.....which I totally do not. We are planning on getting Jack a loft bunk bed so we can put his desk and dresser underneath to save space. I confess, I already made my first baby purchase. I bought the Baby Beatles Lullabies. It's so sweet. My dad will appreciate that.
I just can't even begin to explain all the emotions I'm feeling. I'm trying really hard to be as positive about this pregnancy as possible, but with still being realistic that miscarriage is possible. I can't help but start planing for the babies arrival. I dream about it all day. Literally, it's on my mind 24/7. I feel like my brain is pregnant too. I've been feel pretty good as a whole. Nothing too horrible. But I'm still only 5.5 weeks. I get waves of nausea, waves of extreme hunger, super sleepy and sore nipples. But it's all a very welcome feeling. I just keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant today and enjoy every moment of this. I hope and pray this is my chance to add to my little family <3

Lovely Labor Day Weekend

It was so nice to have a three day weekend! Matt and I didn't get to spend too much time together, but that's ok. It was a girls weekend. Originally it was supposed to be Lina, Mom, Vicky and myself, but my mom had gotten called to Atlanta for three weeks for Hurricane Irene relief. So it ended up being just the sisters.

Saturday we went to go visit Mociute Birute which was nice. We had lunch with her and she shared her pictures of her Europe trip. It brought back a lot of memories seeing her pics from Lietuva. (Lithuania) I would love to go back. I would love to show Matt and Jack my roots. It really made me think about how I would like to raise my kids. I hope I have to have the strength and dedication my mom had in raising and teaching my sisters and I all of our Lithuanian heritage and traditions. It's really made me who I am today, so I hope to instill that in my children. And I know Matt would be 100% supportive of that. After lunch and pictures we just went back to my parents to hang out. Lina made us delicious chicken enchiladas and Vick bought us some awesome pink champagne. Lame, but I love pink champagne. Afterwards we went to a wine bar in Uptown Whittier. I hadn't been to uptown in so long! Totally reminded me of my high school days. It was really a nice evening.

Sunday Vicky, Lina and Little Meghan all met at my apt and we drove out to Temecula to go wine tasting. I'd never been to Temecula and was really looking forward to it. The weather was super hot, but the setting was really nice. It rained out of no where in the middle of the drive, but stopped as soon as we got there. It left pretty patches of white fluffy clouds in the bright blue sky. It was really beautiful. The wineries were nice. Not quite as nice as Santa Barbara or Napa, but still nice enough for a quick get away. We all got to catch up on one anothers lives and just have plain old girl time fun. Little Meghan is leaving for England for a year, so it was a nice way to say goodbye to her.  I think the heat got to all of us pretty quick, so we only visited three wineries, plus lunch. My favorite thing I tasted was an almond champagne. SOO good.  After the wineries we came back to my apt for dinner and more champagne. Jack and Matt joined us for the last part of our evening. Vicky and Lina were excited to see Jack as always. It warms my heart that they love Jack just as if they were his real aunts, not step-aunts. Jack loves them too. In the middle of no where Jack started moaning and complaining of a stomach ache. We couldn't figure out if it was real or he was faking it. He's not one to fake illness. (I don't think he's figured out how to do this yet, thank god!) We pretty much all agree it was probably gas and a little bit of acting. Vicky was reading on the Internet to make sure it was appendicitis and showing him stretches to promote passing gas haha. As funny as that seems, she really was concerned for him. We almost took him to urgent care and my two sisters were ready to join us for the long haul. But after about 45 mins, Jack was magically all better. I'm relieved nothing was wrong, but that moment showed me how much my sisters truly love and care about my new family.

My Sisters and I having lunch at Falkner Winnery

Vick and Little Meghan

Pretty Sky and Vineyard

Little Meghan and Myself

Red Wine Flight

Lina and Vicky

The Champagne I LOVED!!

Champagne Flight

Some Grapes

Me and Lin

Monday morning Matt, Jack and myself all woke up and spent our lovely Monday morning off together. I happened to take a HPT that morning. I know I had ovulated and did the deed during that time, so there was a chance I could be pregnant. It came back negative. I know we're not ready financially, but it still bummed me out. We're not actively trying, but not avoiding either. I know no one can ever be fully prepared for a baby and there's always reasons not to. I know we can do it and make due with what we have. If we were to wait until we can buy our own house, we'd be waiting a good ten years. So no luck this time, maybe next time. But I wont lie, I was pretty sad. After lunch the three of us along with Emmitt went to the park. That took my mind off the negative test and I enjoyed my afternoon with my little family. I'm so thankful for what I do have. They mean the world to me. This whole weekend made me realize that I should concentrate on what I do have and to be thankful for that. A beautiful family and beautiful friends <3 Mine and Matt's baby will come when the time is right.

Baby Brain

Jack seems to enjoy asking me the "fun" questions when it's just the two of us. This past week he let me know that he "Just doesn't understand why you need a boy to have a baby. The mommy carries the baby, so why does there need to be boy?" He grasped the idea that in theory that everyone has a mommy AND a daddy, but he didn't know why. My only response at that time was that it would probably be a better idea for him to ask his mom and dad that question. I didn't want to over step my boundaries as a step mom. It was actually quite funny.

Jack's next question was "why don't you have a baby yet? You're older than my mommy and she has two babies". Oh, how to answer this question. I reminded Jack that his daddy and I were going to have a baby but that little  baby passed away. He asked why we're not having a baby again. I just explained that I'm not quite ready yet, babies are expensive, I have to work and so on and so on. He got the idea, but let me know that he would like a little sister very soon.

Even though I gave Jack all those reasons as to why we don't have a baby, and they are all very legit reasons, baby has been on my brain non-stop.  I can not to control the over whelming feeling and need to be a mother. I know we should wait until we're more financially stable, or have a bigger place and etc. But really, is there ever a time when anyone is completely ready? I'm done with school, I have a job, I have fantastic health benefits, we have a roof over our heads, (a small one, but a roof is a roof), we live in a safe neighborhood. So why wait? I know I'm probably rationalizing this a ridiculous amount, but I can't help it. As whole as my family feels, there's still a piece that is missing. I know that piece is a baby that I can call my own.

At the age of 20 I did become pregnant. I was not ready to be a parent. The babies dad and I had a very unhealthy relationship and just the whole situation would have been bad. At that time, I knew that adoption would be the best option for me. I had my little girl at the age of 21. Not very many people know this about me. Only immediate family and close friends. For sake of privacy of all parties, I will leave names out and refer to my little girl as E. (Emma is what I would have named her if I had chosen to raise her).  We have a VERY open adoption. I didn't go the traditional route through an agency, but rather through a private attorney. I knew E's adoptive parents before I became pregnant so we did not need an agency, just an attorney to make everything legal. E knows she's adopted. She will always know the truth and never have secrets kept from her. We see each other usually a couple times a year and talk on the phone often. She's 7 years old now and starting 2nd grade. I can not believe how time has flown. But since I had to say goodbye to being a mom those 7 years ago, there's been a hole in my heart. There's much, much more to the story that I'm sure I'll share eventually. The adoption and E play a strong role in who I am today. It was an issue I struggled with for a long time, but I'm ok now. Yet some how deep in my heart I knew that when it was my time to be a parent, something would go wrong. And it did. The miscarriage was a huge blow to my emotions. I know it would be a blow to any woman, but having had the loss of a baby once before made it even more emotional.

Things are different now. I know I'm ready to be a mom. I have a gut instinct that if I do get pregnant things will go well this time. I know there's always the chance of miscarriage again. And if god forbid that does happen, I know I can still be emotionally stable and handle it. But I just have this feeling deep down that it is my time. Lets be honest, I do think about babies non stop, but since Jack's convo with me, it has been on my mind even more. I love my family. I love that I am able to keep in contact with E and have a strong relationship with her. But I'm also ready to be a mommy to a baby I can call my own. To be able to raise a child with the man I love and a step son who would be a wonderful older brother.

First Week

I finished my first week at my new job. I'm now working at MSM (Medical Specialty Managers). It's a company that does billing, HR and medical management for other medical offices. I'm working in the customer service dept. So far I really enjoy my new position. Everyone in my dept and other depts are really friendly and really welcoming. Totally opposite of my last job. My manager, Toni, also seems really supportive and like she genuinely cares about her employees. I already feel like I'm using my past experience and education waaaay more than I was before. There is also a lot of room for growth which ultimately what I'm looking for. Hopefully this will change my over all out look on life. I like to think I had a positive out look before, but it was hard going to work everyday for 8 hours at a place I absolutely hated. I think that really took a toll on my mood. Now Matt wont have to listen to me constantly complain about the people I used to work with! The benefits are awesome as well. I think I only have to pay $30 a month for my health insurance. It was completely free before, but the benefits are better here. The co-pays are only $10 a visit compared to $20. For as often as I go to the doctor, this will be a huge help. Prenatal costs along with hospital stay, surgery ( I know I will have a c-section) and other maternity related costs are 100% covered! Also, for some reason god-forbid, I ever need a D&C again, it would be completely covered. No $500 copay which I'm still paying off :o( I just really feel like this is a positive change in my life. Nothing else new. No exciting plans. Just spending time with my little family ;o)

Another Doctors Visit

Yesterday I went to see my GP once again. For the past 7 months or so, I've been to the doctor A LOT! Too much is you ask me. First it was to see my OB for the pregnancy, and then after the miscarriage to make sure everything was ok post D&C. Now I've been following up with my GP for my BP issues. We can't really seem to get it under control. I was very reluctant to start taking any kind of BP medication because it's usually something you have to take for life. But once my numbers were getting out of control, I didn't have much of a choice anymore. I'm now on a regular BP pill along with a water pill. I have to take both pills once daily. It's not too bad to remember. There are very few side effects. She also lectured me again that I should not try to get pregnant while taking the water pill. It can cause birth defects. Once we get my BP under control, we can possibly stop taking the water pill. So we will have to put off having a baby for a little longer than I would like. I know it's for the best, but it's still hard.

 Along with my BP, I've had some other weird issues going on. I'm constantly tired, even have a full nights sleep. I can pretty much take a nap any where, any time of day. It's very hard to deal with. I want to be out there having fun and staying up late, but I find it can often be a real challenge. It's starting to affect the quality of my life. I really try hard to not let it get me down, but it does. I've also been experiencing bad joint pain. Mostly in my hips, sometimes in my low back and knees. I brought all of this up with my GP and she agrees this is not normal and should be something to be looked into. She ran a bunch of basic blood tests and everything came back normal. Since not much has improved, she wants to send me to a rheumatologist. So I'll see how that goes. I just don't want to end up being one of those people who's constantly at the doctors and having to take meds. I just want to be normal and feel good.  I know it also gets to Matt. As supportive as he is, he can get frustrated and sometimes impatient with me. It can cause tension and arguments that are not necessary. Hopefully that will change soon.

On a happier note, Matt and I have already had a great start to the weekend. He took yesterday off work to spend the day with me. We pretty much only went to the doctor, got lunch and went to Target. But it was nice to spend the day together. We stayed up late and watched a movie together. Today we're just going to hang out and then tonight go to Downtown Disney to watch the Disneyland fireworks. We usually have DL passes, but they expired a while back. The weathers been really nice, so it should be a nice evening. Tomorrow we're probably going to go on a little hike with Emmitt in the park where we got married. Nothing too special, but fun and relaxing.  That's all for now :o) Here's a pic of Emmitt and myself last time we went hiking.

~ Karina