I'll try to make my intro brief....but I don't know if that's possible.
I'm 28 years old and newly married. I married Matt on November 6th of 2010. We had the ceremony at Santiago Oaks Regional Park and reception at The Orange Mining Company, both in the city of Orange.The wedding was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't have dreamt of a better day. It was amazing to be surrounded by all of our family and friends and to be in the company of people who support us and wish us only the best. I can't wait to renew our vows so we can do it all over again! I am forever thankful to my parents who threw us such an amazing celebration.
Along with my marriage came a wonderful extra added gift. I'm now a proud step-mom to Jack. Matt and I have been together a little over 4 years. Jack is now 6. I have been in Jack's life since he was a little over two years old. I feel very fortunate to have come into Jack's life when I did because he will always remember me being a part of his life. Matt had Jack from a previous relationship with Bridget. You will probably hear me talk about her and her husband often. Bridget is also recently married to Kevin and they have a 10 month old, Conor, together. We are all very lucky that we all get along and are able co-parent Jack together. I know it's rare for blended families to get along so well, but it works out great for us. Things were not always so great between Matt and Bridget, but I'm so happy that they are both mature enough to put the past behind them and are able to raise Jack together. It makes life much easier! Jack is just about start 1st grade. He's had a blast with his family this summer, but can't wait to go back to school to see his friends. He's a very smart, intelligent, witty little boy. I know all parents think that about their children, but I promise, this is true! He's like 6 going on 26. Sometimes I find myself talking to Jack like I would someone my own age! He's very strong willed and has a mind of his own. I really can't imagine my life with out Jack. He's really filled an empty void that I've had in my heart for some time.
As far as what I do.....I'm in a bit of a transition. I graduated with my BS in Health Science from Cal State Fullerton in May 2010. I had gotten a job at a radiology company shortly there after. I absolutely HATED it!!! I was doing front office which is not something I had worked by butt off in college for. I applied for a position at the corporate office that managed the radiology office and was hired there. I start my new position in 4 days. I'll be working in customer service. The position itself is a lateral move, but it's a higher salary and there is muuuuuch more room for growth. I'm nervous but really excited to start this new chapter in my life.
Now the real reason I wanted to start this blog. I have a lot of feelings built up inside that I don't always feel comfortable talking about. I just don't know if people will get sick of hearing me, or maybe I just don't like to accept what I'm feeling. Probably a little bit of both. Not very many people know this, only close family and friends. Matt and I found out we were expecting a baby January of this year. We were not really trying, but not really avoiding pregnancy either. Needless to say, I was shocked, but very excited! It was finally my turn to be a mommy. I went to my first OB appt with Matt and everything was great. We got to see the baby on the ultrasound and see the little heart flickering away. I was put on medication to control my blood pressure because it has been too high. But my OB assured me as long as we monitored it closely, I could go on to have a healthy pregnancy. The biggest pregnancy symptom I experienced was exhaustion. Just pure exhaustion. I would even take 15 min breaks from work to sleep in my car. I was just always tired. I did have some morning sickness (which was actually more at night) and a lot of nausea. But I didn't mind. I was just happy to be pregnant. I woke up the morning of February 10th to some cramping. I called my OB and she said it's probably fine, but come in for an U/S anyway. Matt and I both went to the appt. The U/S tech didn't let us see the screen. She didn't point out any of the anatomy to us. She didn't print out pictures for us to keep. I worked in an office that I did OB U/S. I knew none of that was good. Matt's expression was terribly serious and worried. But I kept telling myself, this is ok. The doctor will see us and tell me to stop being a hypochondriac and send us on our marry way. She came in the room, which felt like an eternity later, and just asked me what I was experiencing. I told her just some cramping. She then told us that they did not find a heartbeat. At that point I was 8 weeks and 4 days along. She said the baby measured 8 weeks. So it was a very recent miscarriage. It was like someone punched me in the chest. I could not believe this was happening. She went over our options and I chose to have a D&C. I could not bare the thought of miscarrying on my own. As horrible as it sounds, I just wanted to baby out of me as soon as possible. I was scheduled for the procedure the next morning. That night was rough. I was very numb. My family and friends who knew, were all incredibly supportive. Matt was very hurt too, but was strong for me. I think back now and know that made us stronger as a couple. The day of the procedure was horrible. Matt and my mom went with me. They were both understandably upset too. The hospital staff was great. They did everything they could to make me comfortable. The physical pain was not bad. The emotional pain was unbearable. I know it's their job, but every medical staff that would treat me had to confirm my name, DOB and the reason I was there. I had to repeat I was there to get rid of the baby inside of me too many times. That was probably one the worst days I've ever had.
It's 6 months later. And I've healed a great deal. I had a hard time adjusting to my cycles. I didn't have a cycle for nearly 90 something days later. That worried me. But I'm back on track. I can now look at pregnant women and not cry. One of Matt's best friends was pregnant with his wife at the same time. The first time we went to their house after the miscarriage was soooo hard. I couldn't be happier for them. But my grief was still so overwhelming. I had to excuse myself to the restroom to cry. It was hard to see all the baby stuff and know that I wont have that, at least not right now. But things are better. Brandon and Jamie had their beautiful baby boy, Cooper, on June 5th. Matt is the babies Godfather. I love spending time with them and it only gives me hope that Matt and I will have that someday. I have good days and bad days. Most are good. But I was in a real dark place for a while. I don't feel the depression I did before. I'm really looking forward to when we can try again. I want to be in this new position at work for at least 4 months. My GP wants me to wait a while to get my BP normal before we try again. We also need to better manage our finances. But I can't wait. I will, but it's hard! But that is my journey to why I'm starting this blog. Matt is more than supportive, but I need something more on those bad days. So here I am. And it turns out my short intro was not so short.
*Please ignore spelling and grammar errors ;o)
~ Karina
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